Navigating the Landscape of Grief & Loss: A Beginner's Guide in Chula Vista

Feb 28

Grieving Through Loss: Understanding What to Expect

Grief is one of life’s most universal yet profoundly personal experiences. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of a cherished relationship, a job, a pet, or even your sense of health or identity, grief touches us all. As a Christian therapist specializing in grief, I’ve walked alongside many clients navigating the complexities of loss, and one thing remains true: grief is not one-size-fits-all.

If you’re currently grieving, you might feel overwhelmed by emotions, unsure of what’s “normal,” or wondering if the pain will ever subside. This blog post aims to provide a roadmap of sorts, offering insights into what grief is, the many forms it can take, and how you might begin to navigate your unique journey.

Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling or therapy.

What Is Grief, and Who Can Experience It?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It isn’t reserved for specific circumstances or individuals—it’s a universal part of the human experience. While many associate grief with the death of a loved one, it can also arise from other forms of loss, including:

Divorce or relationship breakups.
Loss of a job or career.
A significant health diagnosis.
Miscarriage, infertility, or unfulfilled dreams.
Losing a pet.
Major life transitions or changes in identity.

Grief is a deeply personal journey. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, and the intensity of your emotions doesn’t diminish the validity of your loss.

Types of Loss That Can Trigger Grief

Loss is multifaceted, and grief can stem from:

Physical Loss: The death of a loved one or a tangible change, like losing a job, a home or pet.
Emotional Loss: Loss of safety, identity, or purpose.
Symbolic Loss: Unmet expectations, such as career setbacks or unfulfilled family dreams.

Recognizing the type of loss you’ve experienced can help you better understand your grief and how to address it.

**How Do We Deal With Grief?**

There is no right or wrong way to deal with your grief. Everyone will grieve differently. That being said, there are a few different theories around the various phases and stages of the grieving process that people typically experience after a loss. Below is a review of the most well-know grieving processes:

The 5 Stages of Grief

The 5 Stages of Grief were originally identified by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler in 1969 for those who recently received news that they were dying. Kubler-Ross and Kessler co-authored the book “On Death and Dying” that was meant to comfort both the patients who were dying as well as their family members and the physicians who served them. These 5 stages were later adapted to apply toward the process of grief:

Denial: In this stage, individuals may struggle to accept the reality of the loss. They may deny that the loss has occurred or minimize its significance as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions.
Anger: As the reality of the loss sets in, individuals may experience intense feelings of anger. They may direct their anger towards themselves, others, or even the situation or circumstances surrounding the loss.
Bargaining: In this stage, individuals may attempt to negotiate or make deals in an effort to reverse or mitigate the loss. They may bargain with a higher power, loved ones, or themselves in an attempt to find meaning or regain control.
Depression: As the full weight of the loss becomes apparent, individuals may experience deep sadness, hopelessness, and despair. They may withdraw from others, lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, and struggle to find meaning or purpose in life.
Acceptance: In this final stage, individuals come to terms with the reality of the loss. While the pain of the loss may never fully disappear, they are able to integrate it into their lives and move forward with a sense of peace and acceptance.

It's important to note that these stages are not necessarily linear or experienced in a fixed order. Grief is a highly individualized process, and individuals may move back and forth between stages or experience them in different ways. Additionally, not everyone will experience all five stages, and some may experience additional stages or emotions beyond those outlined here.

Grief Isn’t Linear: Exploring the 4 Phases of Grief

While many are familiar with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s stages of grief, those stages are primarily associated with terminal diagnoses. For understanding the process of mourning a loss, Dr. John Bowlby and Dr. Colin Parkes’ 4 Phases of Grief offer a more fitting framework:

Shock & Numbness: The initial response to loss often includes disbelief, denial, or emotional numbness.
Yearning & Searching: Intense longing for what’s been lost. This phase often brings feelings of anger, guilt, or an overwhelming desire to “fix” the loss.
Disorganization & Despair: A period of deep sadness and confusion. Daily routines might feel meaningless, and despair can make it hard to move forward.
Reorganization & Recovery: Gradually, you begin to adapt. While the loss remains, it becomes integrated into your life, allowing you to rebuild meaning and hope.

It’s crucial to note that grief isn’t a linear process. Many people bounce between phases, particularly between yearning and despair.

The Grief Cycle

It’s helpful to have more than one example of the various ways that people may experience grief. With that in mind, below is a diagram of the Grief Cycle. The Grief Cycle looks a little bit different than the 5 Stages of Grief and provides an excellent visual of the process of grief.

The 4 Tasks of Mourning

The four tasks of mourning were outlined by grief therapist J. William Worden in his book "Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy." William Worden identified common grief reactions that fall into 4 categories such as “feelings, physical sensations, cognitions and behaviors” and he laid out the “4 Tasks of Mourning” in a way to help you heal and move past your grief.

Task 1: Accepting the Reality of the Loss: The first task involves acknowledging and accepting the reality of the loss. This means coming to terms with the fact that the person or thing that has been lost is truly gone.

Task 2: Processing the Pain of the Loss: The second task involves experiencing and expressing the pain of the loss. This may involve allowing oneself to feel the full range of emotions associated with grief, such as sadness, anger, guilt, and fear.

Task 3: Adjusting to a World Without the Deceased (or Lost Object): The third task involves adapting to life without the person or thing that has been lost. This may require making practical adjustments, such as reorganizing daily routines or roles within relationships, as well as finding ways to maintain a connection to the person or thing that has been lost.

Task 4: Finding a Way to Maintain a Connection with the Deceased (or Lost Object) While Moving Forward with Life: The fourth and final task involves finding a way to honor and remember the person or thing that has been lost while also finding meaning and purpose in life moving forward. This may involve finding ways to keep memories alive, engaging in rituals or traditions, and finding new sources of meaning and fulfillment.

These tasks are not necessarily sequential and may be revisited or worked on concurrently throughout the grieving process. They provide a framework for understanding the work of mourning and can help individuals navigate their grief in a healthy and adaptive way.

How Faith Can Be a Source of Comfort During Grief?

For many, faith provides a steady anchor in times of loss. Scripture reminds us of God’s comfort and presence, such as in Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Prayer, worship, and connecting with a faith community can offer peace and hope when navigating grief.

When Should You Seek Support for Grief?

While grief is a natural part of life, sometimes it can become overwhelming. Signs you might benefit from support include:

Persistent feelings of despair or numbness.
Difficulty functioning in daily life.
Intense guilt, anger, or hopelessness.
Avoidance of relationships or activities you once enjoyed.

Reaching out to a therapist who specializes in grief can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop tools for healing.

Your Journey Through Grief

Grief is not a path you must walk alone. Whether you’re seeking Christian counseling to integrate faith into your healing or simply need a compassionate guide, support is available to help you navigate this season.

Finding Support for Your Grief in San Diego, CA

If you’re ready to take the next step in your healing journey, consider reaching out for a free consultation. Together, we can work toward understanding your grief and finding hope in the midst of loss.

Begin Grief Counseling

References:

Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Routledge.

DeVillier, E. (Personal communication, [2004]). [Discussion on the grief cycle].

U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. (n.d.). Grief reactions, duration, and tasks of mourning. Whole Health Library. Retrieved from https://www.va.gov/WHOLEHEALTHLIBRARY/tools/grief-reactions-duration-and-tasks-of-mourning.asp

Christy Garcia