Navigating the Landscape of Grief & Loss: A Beginner's Guide in Chula Vista
I want to share with you a little bit about the process of grief and what to expect when you are experiencing a loss. It’s important to note that grief isn’t reserved just for those who have experienced the loss of a close family member or friend. People can experience grief over any kind of loss.
First of all, grief is normal. It’s natural for people to experience grief in response to loss. At some point in our lives we will all experience grief over a loss, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, a pet, a significant change in our health, or some other type of loss. Loss is loss. Plain and simple!
The 5 Stages of Grief
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler identified 5 stages of grief that everyone experiences:
Denial: In this stage, individuals may struggle to accept the reality of the loss. They may deny that the loss has occurred or minimize its significance as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions.
Anger: As the reality of the loss sets in, individuals may experience intense feelings of anger. They may direct their anger towards themselves, others, or even the situation or circumstances surrounding the loss.
Bargaining: In this stage, individuals may attempt to negotiate or make deals in an effort to reverse or mitigate the loss. They may bargain with a higher power, loved ones, or themselves in an attempt to find meaning or regain control.
Depression: As the full weight of the loss becomes apparent, individuals may experience deep sadness, hopelessness, and despair. They may withdraw from others, lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, and struggle to find meaning or purpose in life.
Acceptance: In this final stage, individuals come to terms with the reality of the loss. While the pain of the loss may never fully disappear, they are able to integrate it into their lives and move forward with a sense of peace and acceptance.
It's important to note that these stages are not necessarily linear or experienced in a fixed order. Grief is a highly individualized process, and individuals may move back and forth between stages or experience them in different ways. Additionally, not everyone will experience all five stages, and some may experience additional stages or emotions beyond those outlined here.
The Grief Cycle
It’s helpful to have more than one example of the various ways that people may experience grief. With that in mind, below is a diagram of the Grief Cycle. The Grief Cycle looks a little bit different than Kubler-Ross’s 5 Stages of Grief and provides an excellent visual of the process of grief.
The 4 Tasks of Mourning
The four tasks of mourning were outlined by grief therapist J. William Worden in his book "Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy." William Worden identified common grief reactions that fall into 4 categories such as “feelings, physical sensations, cognitions and behaviors” and he laid out the “4 Tasks of Mourning” in a way to help you heal and move past your grief.
Task 1: Accepting the Reality of the Loss: The first task involves acknowledging and accepting the reality of the loss. This means coming to terms with the fact that the person or thing that has been lost is truly gone.
Task 2: Processing the Pain of the Loss: The second task involves experiencing and expressing the pain of the loss. This may involve allowing oneself to feel the full range of emotions associated with grief, such as sadness, anger, guilt, and fear.
Task 3: Adjusting to a World Without the Deceased (or Lost Object): The third task involves adapting to life without the person or thing that has been lost. This may require making practical adjustments, such as reorganizing daily routines or roles within relationships, as well as finding ways to maintain a connection to the person or thing that has been lost.
Task 4: Finding a Way to Maintain a Connection with the Deceased (or Lost Object) While Moving Forward with Life: The fourth and final task involves finding a way to honor and remember the person or thing that has been lost while also finding meaning and purpose in life moving forward. This may involve finding ways to keep memories alive, engaging in rituals or traditions, and finding new sources of meaning and fulfillment.
These tasks are not necessarily sequential and may be revisited or worked on concurrently throughout the grieving process. They provide a framework for understanding the work of mourning and can help individuals navigate their grief in a healthy and adaptive way.
Finding Support for Your Grief in San Diego, CA
Feeling overwhelmed by grief? You're not alone. Remember, reaching out for support can make all the difference in your healing journey. Consider joining a local support group or reaching out to a therapist for individual support. Together, we can navigate this difficult time and find solace in connection and understanding. Reach out today to take the first step towards healing.
References:
Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Routledge.
DeVillier, E. (Personal communication, [2004]). [Discussion on the grief cycle].
U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. (n.d.). Grief reactions, duration, and tasks of mourning. Whole Health Library. Retrieved from https://www.va.gov/WHOLEHEALTHLIBRARY/tools/grief-reactions-duration-and-tasks-of-mourning.asp
